A 24-year-old friend and medical student living in Chicago, Madeleine Boesche, says texting issues convinced her to break things off with an older man she was seeing.
“Oh my God, he’s so desperate,” my friend said when she saw my screen. My friend, who lived strictly by the rule that you should not double text for fear of looking too “thirsty,” as the kids call it, was aghast. My now-boyfriend has been teased for “texting like a girl,” but it was immediately one of my favorite things about him.
I am an effusive texter, and in past relationships I would get frustrated when my multi-text theses would be answered with “yeah” or “sure.” I needed someone who was just as willing to give themselves carpal tunnel as I was.
Though not everyone agrees on what those guidelines are, people feel strongly that their view is the right one. Though these rules apply to both genders, outdated mores still tend to guide them.
“In texting, the concept of rules is strong, much stronger, I think, than the rules we do or don’t adhere to in actual in-person encounters,” lifestyle writer and friend, Raisa Bruner, says. If it takes him 20 minutes to respond, you wait 40. Loquacious women are pressured to limit their responses.
These discussions aren’t all that different from those of generations past: pick up lines have always been picked apart and the art of the voicemail analyzed by singles long before the advent of texting.
And many of the old, gendered traditions of who reaches out to whom and when have (for better or worse) persisted.In his book , the comedian tells of a time a woman he had recently seen was slow to respond to texts, leading Ansari to wonder whether he had done something to turn her off or even whether she had died.MORE: Aziz Ansari: Everything You Thought You Knew About Love Is Wrong In all these cases, one person thought the other was violating what they perceived to be best texting practices.My friend and I had just seen a play and, like everyone else in the theater, I took out my phone as the curtain came down.Waiting for me were five lengthy text messages from a guy I had been seeing for two months. ” I scrolled up to show her my seven unanswered text messages before, his three blocks of text before that and so on.I’d heard similar complaints from friends: potential dates who texted too much, too little; used too many emojis, didn’t seem to understand emojis at all; were too serious, used to many “lols” when they clearly were not .