Suppose you had internalized your body-image based on reflections from a fun house mirror, which made your hips look a mile wide.
You would think you were in deep trouble and that no diet could help.
They try to deal with their sense of inadequacy about relationships by simply not trying – no attempt means no failure.
Both stonewalling and disengaging tactics can make you feel: Everyone in a walking-on-eggshells family loses some degree of dignity and autonomy.
The strategy of trying to control others fails to satisfy them for the simple reason that the primary cause of their anxiety is within them, not in their environment.
It springs from one of two sources: a heavy dread of failure or fear of harm, isolation, and deprivation.
From the time they were young children, they’ve had a consistent sense of dread that things will go badly and they will fail to cope.
They try to control their environment to avoid terrible feelings of failure and inadequacy.
We learn how lovable we are and how valuable our love is to others only by interacting with the people we love.
Young children never question the impressions of themselves they get from their parents.
If you judge how lovable you are based on reflections from someone who cannot love without hurt, you will have a distorted and inaccurate view of yourself as a loving and lovable person.
The instinct to believe the information about the self that loved ones reflect weakens somewhat as we grow older, but it remains active throughout life.
Mistakes and miscommunication do not lead to abuse.