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It told the story of a vet, , who worked at an animal shelter in Taiwan.

A mustard-cooked beef patty with additional pickles, cheese, spread and grilled onions diced up and mixed together on the grill before getting dumped on your burger. If you are really worried about your health, you’re in the wrong restaurant.

This is probably the most famous secret menu item, and for good reason: it’s pure awesome on a bun. Not everything that we found on the Internet actually existed.

The fact was there was no space to keep them and no one to want them. But animal rights activists threatened her and called her a butcher. Distraught by the overwhelming burden of euthanizing animals who have nowhere else to go and being labeled nothing short of a killer by her fellow humans, she injected herself with euthanasia drugs from the shelter. Anger swelled inside me: this woman’s life has needlessly ended.

She took on the weight of other people’s criticism, the weight of solving a problem that came to feel insurmountable.

So here are a few imaginary items that we ordered so you don’t have to.

Wish Burger: This is another name for a veggie burger, but not all In-N-Out employees know it, though. (Actually, I just wanted to use the word “flummoxed.”) “On the Sal”: “On the Sal” was supposed to give us all the vegetables that normally go on the burger, with secret sauce on top, and nothing else — basically a tiny side salad.

Evidently, the registers at In-N-Out are a little more sophisticated than the “picture of the fries” model at Mickey-D’s.

Obama’s review of Ayers’ book says, “A searing and timely account of the juvenile court system, and the courageous individuals who rescue hope from despair.” I had seen mentions of the existence of this review in a very few media outlets, including CNN, National Review, American Spectator, and a handful of others.

(Hi-res version of this photo here.) Note also that the review directly above Obama’s review is of a book about domestic terrorists and bombers. And this is a screenshot of the Lexis-Nexis listing on the library’s computer, proving that the review is part of the official digital archives.

** Warning: this is a departure from my typical blog post.

In-N-Out compliments the food with the standard array of Coca-Cola beverages and three shakes: chocolate, vanilla and strawberry.


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