If you are regular reader of this web site, then it’s highly likely you are kinky. And you likely spend a good amount of time playing with it, fantasizing about it, or living it.
And by kinky, I don’t mean that you like to spice things up with your partner once and a while with some silk scarves. You may have always known you were kinky – since before you even knew what sex was, you were drawn to situations and depictions involving power exchange and bondage.
What to do if you are in a long term relationship already with a vanilla, and either have finally accepted the importance of kink to yourself, or realized that your partner just isn’t kinky? Be gentle about it, be compassionate about it, communicate with them, support them. No doubt there are all kinds of “what if’s” that might be thrown at me in response to this. But what I can tell you is about all the people I have met in the community who finally did realize they needed to embrace their kinky selves.
Each of my exes was beautiful in her own distinct way – and engaging, funny, likeable.
Of course, we had ups and downs in the course of our relationships, as all couples do.
They might need some encouragement to “awaken” their kink.
I do think that is pretty rare in western culture now though – given the massive publicity and exposure that BDSM has received in recent times. And ultimately, no one but you knows the ins and outs of your situation and so I can’t tell you definitively what is right for you.
Because without kink, I would not have met all of the amazing people I now know in the community, or felt the joy and the high of a scene with play partner, or the deep connection of D/s.
So I would say this: if you know you are kinky, don’t waste your time getting into a relationship with a vanilla person.
But don’t beat around the bush, and don’t hide that it’s an important factor for you in dating.
One caveat is that it is possible that you might meet someone who is kinky but hasn’t discovered that side of themselves yet.
And ultimately, the reason that the relationships could not last.
Don’t get me wrong – none of these women I dated were prudes.
Of years or even decades from teenage years through adulthood, when these kinksters were figuring out their own identity and sexuality.