Finally, you made the discovery that your spouse did have someone else. Maybe you checked the cell phone bill, read emails, found a note or letter in a pocket or purse, or, even worse, someone saw them and told you about it. Secrecy helped them, not you, but because you thought there might be a chance to keep him or her calm and possibly stop this nightmare, you allowed yourself to be manipulated.
He prayed that God would convict her heart; that He would somehow reduce or remove the emotions she had for the other man. The next morning she awakened with the realization that she wanted to save her marriage and wanted very much to get past the feelings she had for her lover.
Shortly thereafter they were in our workshop to learn how it happened, how to heal it, and how to grow in love like they never had before.
Then you began to vacillate, worrying that you must be right but telling yourself that surely you aren’t.
When you asked questions, the answers seemed a little too slick and too rehearsed. Refuse to cooperate and you will find yourself in a bloody legal battle.
However, I’ve witnessed case after case in which those marriages were saved, sometimes even after the divorce took place.
One couple remarried after being divorced ten years! There are marriages that are doomed and no matter what happens, it will end and never be healed.
On the other hand, for many years I’ve seen the salvaging of marriages that seemingly everyone else has given up on.
Admittedly, I become frustrated with leaders or counselors who too quickly encourage the abandoned spouse to accept that it’s over and move on. However, my experience is that too often we don’t count on the power of God and, therefore, make premature judgments about how hopeless a situation might be. I think that’s a fairly good word to use when God’s involved.
It makes you less attractive and intensifies whatever justification he or she has mentally made that allows leaving you. Make it clear that while you would like to save the marriage, your life will go on and you will prosper if they don’t come back. When a person believes that you are there no matter what they do, they have no compulsion to do right. Other people in your life who care about you will still care about you. And, believe it or not, it often helps bring the spouse back, though you cannot do it for only that reason.