Paulette goes on to say that it’s important to make sure you’re not in post-breakup mode when you get with someone else, as that could be you trying to fill that hole with a new relationship.I get that, I really do – it’s important to have time for you and decide what it is you want, but aren’t relationships about doing what’s right for us?
Now, in my mind our relationship has been over for a long time. Nothing happened – although I would have let it if he had not been such a gentleman and put me in a cab.
We have not had sex in over a year, he is overworked – we just live day to day as housemates and not much more. We have been in close contact ever since – I have even been to see him, and he has been to see me.
Albert Einstein once remarked that a good definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” In other words, if a snake bites you once, it’s the snake’s fault. The more you know about yourself and how you relate to lovers in your life, the less likely you are to suffer the same injuries twice. Your body and mind know how to mend broken bones and broken hearts, but the essential elixir is something you must supply–time.
If a real horse were to throw you off and give you whiplash, you’d be a fool to get back on before you are strong enough. Nothing handicaps a fledgling relationship faster than having to trudge through wreckage left over from the last one.
But as a therapist, I don't think there is a "too soon." I don't see the choice to get into a new relationship as one of timing at all. Rather than quantify the space between relationships in amount of months or years, I'd like to see people focus more on how "healed" or "emotionally raw" or "in grief" someone is or isn't.
Obviously, some time needs to pass to have healing happen and perhaps we focus on time because it is the only thing we can truly measure.
' If you dated someone for a year or more, you may need three to four months.
On the other hand, you might need less time if your relationship was very short. Firstly, if a relationship was ‘short,’ that doesn’t automatically mean it was less meaningful and therefore merits less time to get over it.
People often have strong opinions as to how soon after the end of a marriage or long term relationship a person should date.